Why is unhappiness a good thing? You’ll have heard it from countless people if you’re listening: this illness was the best thing that ever happened to me; this tragedy opened my eyes; this disaster taught me how to enjoy my life. It happened to me so I know it’s true, but that doesn’t mean I welcome disaster when it occurs, any more than the next person. What it does mean is that I look into the dark feelings or the pain that has arisen to find its source, rather than trying to run away from it or cover it up.
Recently I experienced a toxic mix of love and anger. That’s a powerful cocktail! I knew how strong it was and I kept using all my tools and techniques to let it go, recognizing all the while that some part of me was trying to hold on to it, because both this love and this anger seemed to define me. After a few days I was able to release the feelings, and I was relieved, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the sting in the tail! This intensity of feeling involved my whole body. All of it was in there fighting with me. So that after I released the feelings I felt a black despair – the emptiness of exhaustion – such as I haven’t experienced since I was ill with a brain tumour. So that’s about 8 years ago. This feeling was far worse than the anger/love mix, because I had no idea where it came from, and it was overwhelming. All I wanted to do was cry and eat and sleep. I had no energy to think or even the fight the feeling. You know what it is. I think everybody’s been there. It’s the pit of depression and it feels untouchable. One thing I DID know though. I knew it would pass. Everything does. The less energy you invest in your present reality the quicker it changes. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel real. It’s just that a part of you is having this experience, your physical, feeling, animal self, and a part of you is watching this experience: your ethereal, spiritual, mental self. Both parts of you are having this experience called life, and when you learn to keep both parts in communication with each other, your life will be easier, richer, more fun, and difficult feelings will pass away more quickly. Recognising that you are both of these things, the physical and the ethereal, which has completely different properties, this is the first step on the path to getting more out of walking your body happily through this life.
I trust this will work for you. Happy 2015 and see you soon, Anna